


No Longer Alone

by constant_new_lows



Category: Avengers: Endgame - Fandom, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Quentin Beck, Quentin Beck Is A Good Guy, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, tony stark is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant_new_lows/pseuds/constant_new_lows
Summary: A really angsty (vent-y), Peter-centric fic that everyone should hate me for writing
Relationships: Quentin Beck/Peter Parker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	No Longer Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is gonna be REAL depressing because that's what I do to characters I like :|  
> This is really just venty for no reason lol  
> I'm hoping it'll eventually have a good ending XD
> 
> Anyway, definitely a trigger warning for a LOT of shit

It’s harder than you’d think it’d be. Harder than most could even imagine. But Tony was gone, and there was nothing that Peter could do about it. 

Peter Parker’s life, however, didn’t stop. He continued on, as if his hero hadn’t sacrificed himself for everyone, leaving his loved ones in pieces. 

At least, that’s how Peter felt. In pieces.

He was still a teenager; he still had to go to school everyday, he still had to keep his grades up, he still spent time with Ned and MJ, still laughed and watched movies with Aunt May, still patrolled Queens and protected its citizens through his role as Spiderman, was still bullied by some and protected by others, and still had silly crushes. But he was also still hurting. He was still having nightmares about saving Tony, and crying every night. He was crushed, and had no one to talk to about it. Sure, Happy would understand what he was going through, Tony having been his best friend for years, but Peter also felt like a burdensome kid whenever he would give the idea any real thought. If Tony were still around, he would talk to him.

He felt completely and utterly alone. 

And even worse yet, he felt partially responsible for Tony’s death.

It wouldn’t make much sense to an outsider, but in Peter’s own mind he felt he was partially to blame for the need Tony felt to save them. Even though the thought also made him feel an uncomfortable feeling of self-centered discomfort, he also couldn’t bring himself to change his mind. Tony had cared for him greatly, and his death during the snap had apparently taken its toll on the man.

So the boy of only sixteen felt much guilt with the death, on top of the natural grief and pain that came with losing a loved one.

This is what he’s been feeling since it’d happened, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up, any time soon.

At this point, even if it does, Peter has grown to hate himself and his life for different reasons. The event of Tony’s death was only the beginning of what’s ruined it, and what’s driven him to the depressed shell of a human he once was. He was no longer the optimistic boy that was once able to deal with the bullying Flash threw his way, the stress of school, and the other various things his, now pessimistic, mind dealt with on the daily. 

And all of those things piling up is what finally drove Peter to start doing it--to start hurting himself.

He had once seen a movie, in which a girl would cut and burn herself to find reprieve from all of her demons and the pain she felt, whenever it became just _too much_ for her. So, when everything became too much for Peter, the teen boy remembered this movie, remembered how she had described the feeling of being distracted by her destructive mind whenever she hurt herself--how it gave her _focus_. Those days, Peter would’ve done _anything_ to regain even the smallest bit of control and composure.

And that’s how it had started. As simple as remembering an emotional scene from some shitty, angsty teen movie he hadn’t given a second thought since watching.

It had changed his life, that memory coming back to him right when he was most vulnerable. 

Peter still had his super-healing, but there was no superpower that could make the scar disappear. And there were plenty.

He had taken to this habit longer ago than he could even remember, many months at the very least, and no one has yet found out. This would be surprising, but this secret has forced him to become a much better liar.

He wore long sleeves everyday, and no one questioned a thing. He stared changing in the stall, for gym, so that no one would see the scars littering his arms and other areas. He continued hanging out with friends and spending time with May, giving off no signs of being depressed. He was surprisingly good at pretending, honestly. The only thing he couldn’t hide was how easily he would now have panic attacks, triggered by various things. He would come up with some excuse or another, let May comfort him, maybe talk to her a little bit, and then it’d be over. 

Even though he was decently good at pretending he was fine, some people could tell he was a bit off.

Happy, for instance. 

**Author's Note:**

> I already hate this fic XD
> 
> If you have any prompts you'd like for me to do, message me or submit an ask on my Tumblr @that-fanboy-alex


End file.
